Prayer Request
I don’t normally ask for people to think about me, or pray for me, or anything like that. It just isn’t in me. What happens happens, as far as I’m concerned. There really isn’t any need for group prayer or for people to pray to God for something to happen. Its my job to accept that whatever happens in my life is God’s will, and there is a reason for it to happen, whether it is good or bad. That’s something called “abandonment”, a philosophy I agree, with pretty strongly. I am abandoned to God’s will. Still, I am finding that on this night, it is like the planets are in alignment, and it is the 9th day of the 9th week, and 9th year … I mean it is really hard for me to grasp it all. My twins are 19 months old. They were born on August 26th of 2003. And tonight is the last night I saw my son, Anthony, alive. He was 19 months old. He was born on August 13, 1994.
His life was brief, but full of powerful messages. As I sit here remembering him, it is very difficult for me to take it all. 2 times 13 is 26. Big deal, right? Numerology is full of crap, right? I had a rough day today, getting stressed out over every little thing, and finally I realized that 19 months is a very long time. I love these twins more than life itself, and if I woke up tomorrow and they were gone, I could not go on. And then it hit me. 19 months is a long time, and I loved my son more than life itself, and I am still here. I feel pain like nobody’s business. And to have this all happen around Easter, when we’re talking about the resurrection, and the death of Jesus, and the crucifixion … well, it all makes it a little too interconnected. Like Carl Jung’s Synchronicity on steroids.
I know I am reborn from the ashes of a misspent life. And I know I had to lose a son to regain my life. And I know that now that I have two healthy, wonderful kids, my personal life is falling to pieces. I know that it is not a payment, and that I didn’t do anything wrong, and I am not being persecuted for changing churches or pushing the envelope too often… but it sure feels that way. I Prayed for 2 healthy kids, and I got them, and I am grateful! Hell, I have 3 healthy kids, and one of them is about to conquer the world. Go get ‘em, Krys.
But it sure would be nice to have the security of a steady income. So please …..please please … pray for me. Pray that I wake up, and my kids will still be here. And I will be grateful. Thanks.
His life was brief, but full of powerful messages. As I sit here remembering him, it is very difficult for me to take it all. 2 times 13 is 26. Big deal, right? Numerology is full of crap, right? I had a rough day today, getting stressed out over every little thing, and finally I realized that 19 months is a very long time. I love these twins more than life itself, and if I woke up tomorrow and they were gone, I could not go on. And then it hit me. 19 months is a long time, and I loved my son more than life itself, and I am still here. I feel pain like nobody’s business. And to have this all happen around Easter, when we’re talking about the resurrection, and the death of Jesus, and the crucifixion … well, it all makes it a little too interconnected. Like Carl Jung’s Synchronicity on steroids.
I know I am reborn from the ashes of a misspent life. And I know I had to lose a son to regain my life. And I know that now that I have two healthy, wonderful kids, my personal life is falling to pieces. I know that it is not a payment, and that I didn’t do anything wrong, and I am not being persecuted for changing churches or pushing the envelope too often… but it sure feels that way. I Prayed for 2 healthy kids, and I got them, and I am grateful! Hell, I have 3 healthy kids, and one of them is about to conquer the world. Go get ‘em, Krys.
But it sure would be nice to have the security of a steady income. So please …..please please … pray for me. Pray that I wake up, and my kids will still be here. And I will be grateful. Thanks.
posted by Demonik at 5:30 AM
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